Posted in Father, Parents

To a father who could not be a Parent !

To a father who could not be a Parent!

I am writing to you because I have lost all the other ways to communicate to you about what you have given to me as a child and as a human being. You have brought me to this world and that is correct but other than that you have always failed as a parent, as a good human being to me or as an idol for me to look up to you. Since i was young, i have seen you fight with your wife, your mother and your brothers and sisters… As a dad, you were never their for me emotionally and nor have you have been there as a friend to tell us what was right and what was wrong. What I learnt till now was, all that life taught me – good or bad. I am 33 years now and at a stage of my life when I am starting my own family. I am writing this to make you understand things that you have never understood and given importance to, I have waited a long time for you to may be one day realize this by yourself and may be that day you will give me what I have always longed for. I now think that this will not happen and so I have decided to tell you by myself and to make sure that you understand what you have lost or may be for my own conscious to not feel guilty about breaking all ties with you.

I dont remember a time when you ever came to me as a father and showed me what life is or how this life is to be lived. I have always been lost because, there no one to guide me through my younger days when I was gullible to all things and when i was to be molded into a good human being. You were just not there for me !

When it came to my schooling, you did not even know what standard I was in forget about teaching us how to go through this stage of life. What friends I made ? what sports I played ? or what i did in my idol time? I dont remember sitting with you for one meal till date and having food. I was not taught what I should eat to be stronger physically nor was I told a story at bed time. I now look back and can surely say, this is all that I will give to my child. You probably did not get this from your father too and you experienced the same as I did and still did not give any of those to us.

You did not bother to care what we should do in our lives, we were still young and confused. there was no one to guide us when we needed it. I am now a very strong believer in destiny and that is why I do not blame you for what came my way but I do blame you for not being a parent that you should have been. You failed in my eyes as a father and I am unfortunate to have you in my life.

I got a chance to study abroad and you never supported me, instead you stopped me. You hindered my growth however what ever had to happen to me happened and that is why I believe in destiny. it was my bad fate that I got cancer during a crucial time of young life and I was very alone at that time. I longed for the support and love from you during this crucial time too and you still did not care for me. I dont want to remember the time that i spent alone with my disease and it was only my destiny that i was cured out of it. You left me yet again and never bothered to know what will happen to me in future. All you cared was money. Money that you never got! Money that you never spent! Money that you never could earn!

I fought cancer and got the strength to live yet again, I left my job, came back to chhindwara and you still did not change. you were the same person that I have always seen – running after money that you could never earn! Money was your life. whatever emotional attachment a man seeked, you got that from your brother’s wife and his kids, we never felt like your own kids.

All we did was imposed our relation on you, you never accepted us as your kids. It was more a relation imposed by us on you rather than you accepting us. We were never yours and now I never will be. I got married and you ran away from a fathers responsibility yet again as you have always done through out your life. After my marriage, you kicked us out of the house and we were left to starve on the road with no where to go. You did not even think of My wife who had her own dreams when she married me (a guy with cancer). She is my responsibility and I can take care of her very well however, the way you treated us after the marriage turned our lives around yet again. We had to start our lives all over again for the third time, but this time I was not alone. I had  My wife with me and together we started with nothing, with no future prospects. Fortunately, I got a job and shifted to another city to start our lives from scratch.

Slowly but surely we made a living, decorated a house and felt settled in life. We were alone still but we had each other, this is not what we wanted but after you threw us out of the house, we had no other choice. We gradually grew and planned a baby. My wife was pregnant and we enjoyed this moment alone. We had no one to share our happiness with but each other.

Today she is 8 months pregnant and you have again run away and left us alone as usual. But this time, I will not come back to you. you are No one to me and in my world you do not exist. I dont want my child to know about you. I would like to give my child all the love that you never gave me. More than giving it money, I will live with the child. I dread to think of you even close to my child.

I am not weak, I was emotional before but not anymore! I am not a hater but i want you to know what you have done to us. I believe in GOD and I do believe in Karma, I wish that you live a long and a healthy life but I dont wish to ever have any more relation with you. I pray to GOD that one day you will realize what you have lost but that is already very late because I will never take you back in my life. I have my own family now and I want to live for them most importantly – WITH OR WITHOUT MONEY!

To all the fathers who have children as social status and then forget about them.

Posted in Health, random

Life after Chemotherapy

5th January 2012 was the last time I took my chemo. It was the 16th chemo that was given and there was one more to go, which i did not take and i chickened out after the 16th. Its been just over two years now that I had taken my last chemo and life after it has been a roller coaster ride. Its just a very different world for me after chemotherapy and this is precisely why I was prompted to write about the life after chemotherapy and all the things that I think no one talks about when they talk about chemotherapy. Life never remains the same after chemotherapy as they say but I think it can be better or worse depending on your mental status and the people who surround you.  I live in a very loud society, not by volume but by our behaviour. We like to announce to the world about what we are up to and show it off. Its got its disadvantages, people know what you are dping , what you are eating and when is your next chemo. Life after chemo in societies like this becomes even more difficult because then your reputation precedes you. People already know about your past and make assumptions on how to pity you. Even if you want to these kind of societies that we come from do not let you forget it. Moreover, the advise that you get from everyone around is also forced upon you. Just because you have taken a treatment of cancer, you are now everyone’s point of discussion when it comes to health and advise on a healthy life.
Here I am not only talking about the physical changes that your body goes through but also the social changes that a cancer patient goes through after chemotherapy. The social changes are the way people behave with you, the way they treat you, everything now comes down to taking care of your health. The thing is that everyone thinks that you can’t do anything and they start forcing there thoughts on to you. The physical changes that no one sees are the more important ones, these changes never let you forget chemotherapy and your past because they are everywhere. Everything in your body after chemotherapy becomes older than it should be. Your stamina goes for a toss, your taste buds act funny, eye sight goes weak …… A lot of stuff that would have happened to a young man twenty years from then would happen to him then. This is not seen by the society. They think that one should rest and take things easy, not do anything but rest and take care of health. Being a cancer patient, these thoughts never cross your mind, what crosses your mind is the fact that life is too short to sit at home and relax and that you want to do everything now. No one would appreciate it because they think you have a bad history and you are prone to more risks than anyone else. The thing about surviving cancer is that makes is very weak physically but it makes you very strong mentally. This mental will keeps you going and not everyone around appreciates these thoughts. A cancer survivor gets a second life and this life is not given for us to sit back and wait for the death to come but to live it properly. Being careful is good but being scared of doing things because it might kill you is not good. Chemotherapy teaches you how to deal with small problems that your body goes thru and cancer teaches you to fight out the mental hitches that exists.
As I was saying it’s been just over two years that I have completed my chemo and I am still recovering. Post chemo my life has been different, I have had the courage to quit my job, I have started travelling, I have fallen sick numerous number of times, lost almost half of my hair, still can’t taste half of the things I eat, teeth are still sensitive and the list goes on. What the past few years have taught me is not to be greedy, be satisfied, live for today and nothing is permanent.
Chemotherapy and cancer for me are two different things, one makes you stronger mentally but the other makes you weak physically. Chemotherapy is part of cancer but works against it. There would be no chemotherapy if there was no cancer but there is no cancer when chemotherapy exists.
For me life has far more meaning to it then before cancer. Life after chemo, how so ever different it may be, it still carries more meaning to it than before and how so ever difficult it may be, it still carries more satisfaction to it than before.

Life after chemotherapy is just not life it’s something else.

Posted in random, Uncategorized

Indian Girls

GIRLS; one of the best species created by GOD, they are beautiful, they are not dumb and I love them. They want to act smart and say they are as good as boys but inside they know what they are and I am sorry  but they can’t even compare themselves with boys. ( not that the boys are of any good but they are still better than girls)

Unfortunately, the society that we all live in is male dominant and this is a good enough reason for girls to accept the defeat, when I use the word defeat I am not running a competition here, I am just implying that boys are better and most of the girls in India know that. Boys are hardworking, smarter, taller, stronger,composed, self-dependent and the list goes on; all this compared to Indian girls. All the girls like to call a men who discriminates or tells them the truth a chauvinist, I am sorry but we are just telling the truth. I am struggling to find a reasons why girls think they can be better than boys, when GOD has himself made them weaker so that the they can be taken care of.
I am not trying to say that girls have been treated in the best way they should be but some of them by not doing anything get so much in life just because they look good or they have a stupid men behind them taking care of them.. That’s when all my problem starts. I am also not saying that only men have to suffer and women don’t but my problem is with the females who look good and know that they look good.. They are aware of this situation and the Indian girls are no where behind in taking advantage of this situation they very often find themselves in… Do nothing but become very successful in life when their are many men who knows it all but remains where he is because he does not look good or his place has been taken by a girl who knows nothing but looks good. This is a sorry state of affair that I have seen while i get more and more experienced with work and working with women. I still could digest this success of a few women who look good but know nothing only if they would accept the fact that they are what they because of there looks and not because of their brains (which doesn’t exist). Instead they become arrogant about it and think they have it all because they know what they are doing.. They need to be told the truth and most of them are so high on life and success and they don’t even wanna listen to someone if they tell them. This is the only reason for their short-lived success, if they had real brains, they could have taken advantage of the opportunities provided to them and instead of feeling good about it, made actual progress at there work place.

Posted from WordPress for Android

Posted in Drives, travel

Trip to Chhindwara on 15th August 2012

Sunday, August 19, 2012
10:41 AM

I was sitting ideal at home at 7.00pm and was trying to get someone to go out with me that night. Could not go to the gym that evening due to many reasons, one of them was my will to not go! The other petty reasons were: I did not have my car as it had gone for servicing, my dad’s car was parked at Dipak’s place and I had to go and pick that up, I wanted to go out with My gf for a coffee/shopping. The main reason was me being lazy………So I collected my car from Dipak’s place and while I was there I ate some vadas as always since I cannot resist them, yet another reason for me not going to the gym that night… I came back home and was about to take a rickshaw to the office where my other car was to be delivered from servicing and leave for Mantri Mall to meet My gf. Just before I was leaving, I had a minute or two to think about and I realised that 15th was a holiday for Independence day and I had nothing special planned accept that I would have gone to My Frens place and wasted my time yet again. I also got a couple of calls from my Dad asking me to come to chhindwara since it will be very difficult and expensive for the Policeman to come Bangalore to verify my details for Passport. So just like that I decided to leave for Chhindwara by car! Now there were two main reasons for me to leave by Car, one was that I had to send Dady’s car back any which way and the other one being, I did not have any tickets to go. Although the main reason being, I love driving and I wanted to try Skoda Fabia on a long run as well…..Even if it meant I had to drive all the way alone but then I love driving alone as long as I have good podcasts to listen to or a collection of very good songs that I could manage. So it was decided with that span of two minutes whilst I was at home getting ready to go to the office again to pick my other car up, that I will be leaving for Chhindwara tonight. I did not have to and want to hurry since I knew the earlier I left the worse it would be en-route to the Airport and subsequently to Hyderabad. I decided to take things one at a time so I first went to the office to pick the other car up and now I went by the other car instead of a rickshaw as initially intended since I did not have the time to look for an auto, anyway I went to the office, picked up the other car and asked the driver dropping my I20 to drop that car to my home in Jayanagar which he agreed to reluctantly hoping to get a tip for the day.. By now I had things more clear in my mind with regards to the trip that I will be starting in about an hour from then, I had planning going on about every small things in head. I was back at home at about 8.20pm and packed everything within the next fifteen minutes making sure I am not forgetting any thing I should not. I was ready to leave by 9.00 pm and this was the time I called my Mom to tell her to get down from the train Nagpur and not at Bangalore as I was coming by car to pick her up from there. I knew she wouldn’t mind but I dint tell this to my Dad as I was sure he would not let me come by car alone for obvious reasons (I wouldn’t let him). I made sure the house secure and gave a heads up to the guard at the door that I will be out for a couple of days so he should be careful with the maids and tell them not to come, in case of emergencies he has my number.. ..

I sat in my car, prepared to drive with the favourite podcasts from BBC ‘The Archers” and started my 1200 kms trip to chhindwara. Just after driving for 3 kms I thought I would give my sister a call and ask if she wants to come with to Hyderabad since she was planning to go there after her exams but she refused making excuses and I didn’t want to push her, I think she has changed too since she has never been more blunt and direct to me ever before but I felt good about it for some reason. I planned to see my girl friend before I left but I just could not take the time out for that and I knew it would be late for her to see me by the time I reached her place, so I did not insist and neither did she. I knew I had to get some diesel as my tank was almost empty and I wanted to stop at a good fuel station I could refill the air and water as well, I drove for 1 full hour that night to reach the Airport and it was one of the busiest night to the Airport that I had seen after a long time so I did not stop anywhere for the gas but I stopped right after the Airport. That was first stop if you call it that and I had not even counted the miles since I wanted to make it a zero when I re-fuelled but I think was around 45 kms/ one hour. I was enjoying driving the skoda already and listening to the podcast, I was lost somewhere, I wanted to drink coffee more because of fear to go to sleep than feeling sleepy but I did not get a chance and I did not want to stop yet again so early, I knew I had a long way ahead. The cars engine was making the sweetest sound a diesel engine could make I immediately realised why is this car selling despite of the pathetic service offered by Skoda, they have a good quality product to sell that would sell itself. I was already missing this car and was wondering why am I sending this back now. It was too late for a change of plan at this time so I kept appreciating the car and kept on driving. There was no rains, the whether was clear and so was the road. I governed my speed and did not cross 130 kms at any time, I did not feel like it for the first time. May be I was being careful or feeling matured with a will to drive safely. I did not stop until I had crossed another 200 kms and hyderabad was now 300 kms from where I was. I was hungry and tired. I stopped for the worst dinner of my trip at a dhabha with a lot of lights on it and ordered 2 butter Rotis with paneer butter masala. The rotis were not rotis they were Naan and that too were made of rubber, the butter paneer masala was solid rubber cut into pcs and soaked in liquid black curry that looked like blood to me, I didn’t care for the initial roti to end as the law of diminishing marginal utility kicked in and I left the other roti with half of the curry for the dhabha wala to serve to the next customer (I am sure this is what I got) asked for a strong coffee after dinner which was not strong in anyway but kept me going for another 20 minutes before I was feeling sleepy and I decided to take a power nap at one of the petrol pumps that looked safe and crowded. I did not know what time I would get up but I just put my feet up and slept at the steering wheel at 2.00 PM (I think it was then).

Day Two of the trip : 15th august 2012

I woke up at 6.00 AM sharp by the ringtone on my phone, it was my sister calling to find out where have I reached and I could just tell her to wait for me as I would reach at and around 9.00 AM. I started as it is and now I had approx 275 kms to cover in less then 3 hours, not that I was in a hurry but I like to maintain a speed otherwise I will never reach my destination and I was behind schedule at the moment.

I had to go freshen up and I was looking for a decent place I could use a toilet of, probably a CCD or same sort of a café, I kept looking and kept driving in the hope to see one soon enough, I did not realise that the roads were so good that I had covered almost 100 kms in the next one hour and it was only 175 kms left now to hyderabad and it was 7.00AM. At this speed I was hoping to reach hyderabad before 9.00 so I did not want to stop at all, not even for a coffee because that would mean answering the nature’s call as well that I had ignored or subsided somehow and was not feeling the urgent need of using the public toilet for some reason. So I kept driving and kept listening to the podcast as I have been doing all the way till here…. There was not a lot on the road side to look except the usual highway facilities and small villages passing by on the side. I could make out I was nearing hyderabad by the scorching sun on my wind shield that was now blocking my vision. It was 8.15 AM now and hyderabad was 50 kms away, I received another call from my brother in law asking me to take the ORR to his house and not go into the city, it did not take much time and worry to figure my way to his house and I was at his place at 9.00 AM in the morning of 15th August. I almost forgot it was the Independence day and the worst part was there was nothing to remind me of it in hyderabad or at his house. It was just another lazy day at his house, I expeted my aunt to be there and she was there at the door asking me about my where abouts and health and welcoming me, my sister; as I suspected was still fast asleep and I figured out her husband must be asleep too. I did not care about anything at that time and was looking to take a crap as soon as possible as the pressure was building that I could not hold in any longer, so I asked for a tissue roll from Bua, which was luckily left in there house from the last time I was there and I took the news paper and went to the favourite place of mine; The Shit Pot with a very high pressure, I was relieved with a welcoming force of down pour………I think, I will just leave the rest to your imaginations.

I was hungry and tired but could go to sleep, so I decided to eat but as usual at my sister’s as at my aunt’s place there is always no food and soon enough I realised why my brother in law was not there at home to meet and greet me as he had gone out grocery shopping behind me. I was too hungry and I just ate whatever there was, I think they served me POHA and some haldiram’s Bhujia for “Breakfast”. I asked for some Haldi ka Doodh to drink in the morning and did not have any tea or coffee since I wanted to sleep, soon My sister was out of her bedroom with her baby in her hands and all the eyes in the room were at the baby. She is cute and too small for me to pass any comment, so I will resist this time. We sat on the breakfast table talking about things and then shifted to the couch in the front of the TV continueing the formality and waiting to go off to sleep but I could not until I spoke about biryani and I asked my brother in law to order some biryani for lunch after the breakfast experience in the morning, I just wanted to be sure of a proper lunch. When I was sure that I am going get a good lunch, I immediately went off to sleep and woke up only at lunch hour waiting for the Biryani at the dining table. My brother in law was younger to me at school and he had affair with my little sister so he was always at a distance from me and that still carried on, he would give me a lot of respect more out of my seniority than my relation now since he is now my Brother in Law I am supposed to respect him and talk to him in a formal way, he did not make me feel like one and I felt good about that. We were just speaking about random stuff and realised that the only thing I can talk to him was about electronics, so blurted out what about the new samsung galaxy S 3, I dint know why but I did and it made the conversation a lot more interesting suddenly since I could make out that there was some thing that he could speak about and participate in other than family matters of My sister.

So I hogged on the dining table, with one of the worst biryani one could get but it was still Rice so I knew I could eat and go off to sleep and I did. I woke up only at 5.00 Pm and asked the “lazy family”, as I would like to refer to this one, if there is a recreation room where we could just get some fresh air before I started back on the road, luckily there was one and we could sweat it out on a TT table. While My sister and aunt played a game of carom lethargically and reluctantly. I was sweating like a pig, the way I ate and as soon as I came back I was hungry yet again, not having a lot of hopes in her’ house for a good meal, I decided to leave at that time and would eat on my way. Just when I decided to leave, I heard them having a pool dinner at there house and they wanted me to stay back, initially i did not want to stay back but then I thought this might be a gold mine of laughing stock for a month or so as there were 3 geeks with two dumb girls all in one room with different variety of food on the table to choose from. What else would I want from life and how could I resist… I stayed back and no one really cared at that time. I was busy replying to TW US as they had opened by then and I thought this will give me a chance to recharge my ipod for my journey ahead and give me a chance to reply to all the urgent emails from US. As I did that I waited for an invitation for food and for the geeks to turn up and check them out, I will not lie at this moment but that was the best time for me at there place. I don’t remember the exact time but I saw the first geek turn up in a bermuda and I had not expected more, he came in an attire that I would not even wear at home in front of my servant but than it’s the culture I guess with these IT guys, his name was Mayank if I remember it right and he said a sad ‘Hi’ and sat on the bean bag kept next to the couch. He was not talking at all and I was waiting for him to talk, that’s all I was bothered about.. What would he talk about and what these guys generally talk. He didn’t utter a word until prashant said something about his trip to US and they started talking about there trip and journey to US and when they will do it again in the future. Just when it was getting interesting the other geek turned in at the door with his family (his wife and mother in law) to be precise, by the looks of them I could make out they were from Mumbai or Delhi and there talks confirmed to me that they were from Mumbai. This one I think were called Karthik and family.. .. There were no etiquettes in this group and whatever I had learnt so far did not apply here.. It was like sitting with village people who were “literate” only with computers. They did not care if the lady was introduced to all the guests, whether the ladies in the room were sitting, it was strange for me to see a group of learned men behaving this way but then again, I could digest this after a while and I did.. I moved on with more interesting things that would happen in the next hour or so, I don’t even have the words to describe my experience in that one hour, only that this one hour made up for the stay at there place.

So I was hardly introduced to anyone of the guests, it was all left to ourselves to make acquaintances and I did get involved with them, talking about there friends getting into another company and other friends who didn’t get into some company. Honestly, when I think about writing what I heard, I really don’t know what to write for various reasons but the main ones being my inability understand what they were talking about. I really did not know what was being talked about between them that night, all I can understand is random words like Cognizent; microsoft; amazon and many other companies of the same league. All I can say was all my life I have been dreading people like this and here I am surrounded my geeks of first order, I mean there cannot be bigger geeks than these that I could have come across. Anyhow, I got to the dinner table where the food was laid and I hogged once again, I dint care who prepared it all I cared abt was that there was pav-bhaji and it was good so I ate yet again before going back to the geeks table to talk about more interesting stuff that I thought they would contribute to as well, like current affairs and the normal happenings around the country but all I could get out from them was a long silence and then back to some guys story who is thinking of joining another IT company as he has been placed through his campus interview. I just realised where I was ! I also saw that there was a woman there sitting right next to us talking to everyone but me and I just realised that I was not introduced to her, so I took the oppurtunity quickly when I found her standing alone for a minute and introduced myself to her, she was karthik’s wife from mumbai, and she was working with KPMG. Oh I thought to myself, there is one girl amongst them all who knows very little about IT and I could have a conversation with her, not realising that she is one of them as she into development of IT softwares for KPMG. I didn’t even know if something like that existed, she was a bigger geek. I wondered how my sister would get along with all these people and soon I got my answer to that too. She doesn’t get along she pleads ignorance on everything and talks like typical marwadi lady about the family and bollywood news. The only thing that was not about computers in there talks were the synopsis of our little tour to the club house earlier that night and mention of TT that we played.

All this made me happy, I was to leave their house soon and happier to know that I am not one of them

I did leave hyderabad at around 10 pm and drove to chhindwara by 6 am the next morning……. Chhindwara as usual brought a lot of memories and made me feel nostalgic !!!

Posted in Health

Chemo and Pregnancy: Similar, Aren’t they ???

It’s just something that I personally felt about chemotherapy that I would like to compare with the lady in my office who was pregnant. It’s been more than a couple of years that I was under treatment for cancer and was taking chemotherapy. As it’s a fact that chemo has a lot of side effect and makes ones body weak to the point it breaks. It was the same with me but there is a time when the mind overpowers your body and makes you stronger to accept the weakness and carry on with your life. It was the same time when I started going to the office after taking my chemo sessions. I was in a bad state- puking, sleepy, fatigued and the list goes on ………
To my surprise, I was welcomed with a lot enthusiasm and love and care at the office. There was a girl who worked along side me who was the same age as myself and she was pregnant. I spent the day trying to overcome my daily problems and ignoring them by talking to the staff in the office. When I did that, I realised that the pregnant lady in the office has exactly the same problems as I do but in a smaller scale.
This prompted me to actually sit down and make a small comparison of the side effects, two people with different problems – cancer and pregnancy (pardon me for calling pregnancy a problem ) go through and the results shocked me so I am jotting it below.
It just seems so strange that the human body takes same kind of problems in two ways just because of the results expected out of it at the end.

Side effects of PREGNANCY:
Nausea
Back ache
Tummy (belly); weight gain
Breathlessness
Mood swings
Loss of appetite
Irritation and anger
Fatigue
Insomnia
Loss of basic senses like taste, smell sight.
Side effects of CHEMOTHERAPY:
A lot Nausea
Back ache: depends on your lifestyle.
Tummy (belly); weight gain, since one is unable to exercise and made to eat more
Breathlessness:
Mood swings : because of all the meds in your body
Loss of appetite : can’t eat, punish feel
Irritation and anger: part of mood swings.
Fatigue: all day long.
Insomnia
Loss of basic senses like taste, smell sight.

I can go on with the list however these are the basic effects of both the diseases or cures and only the extent of each differs from each other. The level type of problems remain the same. I would like make a bold statement by saying that Chemotherapy is not that bad as it is made to sound whereas pregnancy is not that easy as it is made to sound. So, I take this opportunity to let the pregnant ladies know that they are going through a tough time now (even tough they chose it) but this time will be over soon and they will have a baby not before long, at the end of it all. So please cheer up and not be upset about the health issues as they will fetch you a baby at the end which will make it all a worth while.
To all the cancer patients who are taking chemo and going through this ordeal, kudos to you all and just like pregnancy, this will end soon and as a cancer survivor, I can promise you that the life will become the better then before. So that’s the thing to look forward to, best of luck to you all and wish you don’t loose hope because hope is a big thing that we underestimate. ……
Best of luck.

Posted in Hotels, Indian, random, travel, Uncategorized

Indian hotels not for Indians

The idea of writing something about this popped into my head after travelling fulltime for just two months and realising the discrimination taking place against the Indian tourists in india by the hotels in india. Whether it be a lodge or a restaurant or a hotel, the first thing that comes to mind is hospitality and it has become a very big industry now. India is supposed to be a very hospitable country and a country of people who feel proud to welcome guests and treat them as gods if not less. This is true to some extent when we are talking about small villages and towns in India and people welcoming guests with pride in there houses however from my personal experience I find it very unfortunate that the staff working in the best of best hotels in India lack a common courtesy of being polite to there guests, if the guest is an Indian. It clearly shows there motive to earn a tip and if that’s not something they will reap out of a conversation they will probably not have a conversation with you. My point here is the way Indian guests are treated by the staff of Indian hotels is saddening to me. Since we as Indians feel proud in calling ourselves great hosts, I always thought that the people in general have this habit of talking nicely to strangers inculcated within themselves but I was wrong. Lately I have taken up travelling in India and the way of my travel is simple and not high class as it always has been. This way it gives me a chance to relate with the locals and get a sense of there culture and real life that they live in. One of the things that I have realised has changed dramatically is the attitude of Indian staff at the hotels if you are a middle class or lower. It is just appalling  to say the least, they talk to you as if you are working for them and that you are not welcome in the hotel they work for. Its just something I am struggling to explain so I will put it in a simpler way. They discriminate you with the rich western travellers and judge by the colour of your skin. I have always travelled with a white skinned folk along with me or on my company’s account where the treatment has always been very nice and I always thought that it’s because Indians are welcoming and generally nice people. I was wrong and I saw the difference when I travelled alone in this country. If you are not coming in a big car or if you dont know anyone at the govt office the staff of almost all the hotels treats you rudely, the way we would not even want to talk to our domestic help.
Its one or two instances that I have noted this. I am now on a hunt for a hotel with staff that is polite to ALL its guests regardless of the colour of there skin, the size of the car they get down from or the way they are dressed. I have been travelling continuously since last one month and I am yet to find one. I am now wondering if I will ever find one. If you think there is a hotel that I should visit please leave your comment and I will find sometime to visit it and experience the real hospitality that we Indians are known for, until then I am looking for the staff of a hotel that is helpful and polite without expecting me to tip them.

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Shekhawati – 10 & 11 march

I started this journey after reading about this place in lonely planet and talking to local people that I could cone across in jaipur that are from this region.
It was decided that I will have two days to complete this part or region of Rajasthan and that this is close to Sikar so I may be able to get a lift to sikar with my uncle who works there.
So all was set and as Monday came I woke up at 645 scared that I might be late after the hectic day before and my will to stay in the bed for a longer period. I was ready by 730 as the breakfast was served on the table and waited until 8 before I got on to my ride to sikar. I was told that we will take another guys car to sikar as he cannot drive his own car. This almost grabbed my attention immediately as something I could not have ignored even if I wanted to. And as I met this guy who was supposed to be my uncles boss my curiosity towards him grew even more. He was a small guy with a belly and dark complexion. Very loud as most of Jaipur Wala are and not that soft spoken as opposed to the Jaipur culture. His attitude was different and my first insight of the kind of people I was about to meet. He left no opportunities to prove that he is the boss and that we were riding in his car. He spoke what he wanted to talk about and showed some arrogance towards anything else. Straight away I could feel my uncles dominance being taken over by his boss in the car. I knew I should keep quite as much as I can and only spoke when I was spoken to.
He was ordering my uncle about his day to day affairs and checking on his last weeks business. He had an opinion about everything and of course a different one. I soon knew why he was different in his attitude compared to the others and it was because he came from sikar. I observed that sikar was not very tourist friendly place as compared to the rest of Rajasthan I had seen until then and all the people would only respect you or Care for you if you knew someone.
Anyway I reached sikar in the car by 1100 am which was a decent time for me to travel ahead to mandawa which is where I arranged a room by my brother in law who is Rajput and was a good Fren of the Thakur saabs son in Mandawa. While in the car to sikar we saw some people walking with band to a fare and these people were served drinks and snacks by the local villagers. My uncles boss looked at them and was not very pleased with them at the first instance but I think as his hunger grew his appreciation grew to the free food and he rudely asked my uncle to stop the car at every signal or a crossing to take the eateries and eat them until his stomach was full. He was weird character with very weird habits and I hoped not to see anymore of him again.
I headed to the bus stand to catch a bus to mandawa after leaving my uncles small insurance ofice and soon could feel the cold people of sikar who were not helpful at all. I realised that there is no direct bus to Mandawa from sikar but I could either go to mukundgarh or nawalgarh to catch a connection to Mandawa from there. I decided to take the nawalgarh route as I could see the famous museum of Mr poddar in naealgarh. I reached nawalgarh in any an hour and looked for the museum. At around 1130 I reached the museum and looked at the first and most beautiful haveli of my life. I got a guide along with my ticket who showed me and three British students, the havelis room. It had beautiful colours painted on the walls depicting there trade, transportation and a lot traditional values that prevailed in the olden times. It had a separate bedrooms now converted into rooms with olden times arts, that were on display now. From pagadi room to the old pictures room to the room with old jewellery and several other rooms. This museum was supposed to be the best haveli in shekhawati region and I can now say that it is. Its a must see place should you find havelis of any interest.

I was also told that there are few more haveli around that I may visit but soon I realised that they are all the same. So I skipped the havelis and carried on my trip to Mandawa where I was told that I will be staying the castle of Mandawa that is owned by the Thakur Saab of Mandawa. I reached Mandawa by plying on to a private local bus which took half an hour more than the usual bus would but I was not in a hurry so I reached the castle at 430 and checked in the room that was booked for me. The hotel itself was a fort with a lot to see in it and was full of Russian and Europeans. It had numerous rooms all of them were done in proper rajputana (shekhawati) style. I checked into my room and after getting fresh asked for a tour of the fort at the reception who were most glad to show me the hotel that was indeed the fort. I got a guide from the front gate to show me around the small town of Mandawa which had numerous havelis and each of them were famous for there uniqueness in there own way. Few had been done back to the present times and some were untouched from there olden times. They were almost the same in style and architecture and paintings done on the wall depicted the culture prevailing at time. The paintings were the main feature of the havelis with very loud colours made of vegetable mixed with plaster while construction and this art is called

fresco

.
I was back at the hotel just before the sunset to grab a relaxing beer at the cafe. There was nothing much that was left to be seen and so I waited for the owner of the hotel for dinner and some talks abt the shekhawati and Rajputs around. I had an early night after the long tiring bus rides and walk around the town visiting havelis.

It was 630 in the morning when I woke up and was ready for breakfast at 730 at the common dining hall.

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I was called at the cafe by the owner at 8 in the morning who invited me to join the horse safari with the Russian group he had as guests. It sounded interesting to me and I said a yes immediately. I was then introduced to a couple of people. One was an Indian and the other a Russian. The Russian lady was friendly and made friends with me as soon as I met her. She was a photographer by choice but only clicked pictures of horses and so I got the reason for her presence in the horse safari. She also acted as a translator for the other Russians who could not speak or understand English. The other person I was introduced had a shabby look wore a red colour XL polo shirt with an angry look on his face a loose jeans hanging on the tyre around his waist. He was the son of the king of Mandawa’s brother. He had a distinct angry look on his face was not ready to talk to anyone and would only speak to the foreigners in a very bad manner if I can put it politely. I merely said hello to him and carried on my talk with my new Russian friend. We were soon transferred to an imported SUV and all was set. We were to leave for another hotel to pick up the rest of Russians and also spend some time with the horses. We drove very swiftly to our next destination that was the hotel where the Russian stayed and we spend some time with the mares in that hotel. It had a stable behind and what a sight it was. Full of mares and swans and a couple of peacocks dancing around. Dust blowing all over the place, giving it the feel if authentic Rajasthani village which it was.
I have done horse number of times before but this time i got close to the horses like never before. They are different animals for me, they are huge but with a very sensitive mind. I got close each horse felt there breath and tried feel what they are saying. They speak with there eyes and these mares were just amazingly strong and breathtaking. They were all Marwari breed of horses , supposed to be the best breed around. The horses were left open on the field and all of them let go of themself when the gates were opened. They ran round and round around the field as if celebrating there short lived freedom or showing off there beautiful muscular figure that they had attained after a lifetime of discipline and hard work done by there owners. Soon the guests were allowed to spend time with these horses and to my surprise these guests were behaving as if they have met before with these creature and they already knew what’s going on. Soon I realised the reason for it. It was because they had taken there horses for a ride the day before when I had not arrived so they already knew the protocol each morning and were developing a relation with there individual mares. There were no horses in the safari, all were mares, probably because male dont work properly in presence of a female just like the human beings. After spending a little time with there horses the horses were made ready by the helpers around by cleaning them and massaging them as a way to show respect to them and them mounting the saddle onto each one of them, to make them look like a piece of art. They were just outstanding. Each one of them. Whether it was TARA the mother 12 years or her daughter chanda just in her adolescence. Or be it calm mangla or the swift devika. All of them were looking just queens on there own. The riders mounted each one of them and we started to ride them till it was the time for lunch by then it was 130 in the afternoon and I was told that we are late than usual. The horses were sweating so they were allowed a bit of the shade under some small bushes that we could find near a small town and all of us had lunch. The helpers prepared the food for the horses while we got a masseuse around to quickly do a round of massage all the riders. All the guests were quite in there own way and spoke when they were spoken to. The horses were fed and they rested for another hour before they were being prepared with the saddle for the ride ahead. This time it was an easier way back as we could canter the horses. It was about 4 in the evening that we headed back and reached the desert resort at around 6 pm. We were served with tea and snacks and I was shown the stable, this time a different one. This stable also had amazing mares but what caught my eye was the white and black marwari horse. He was named RAJKUMAR and what a horse. He was let loose on my request and as soon as he was without the leash he started running around the ground showing himself off to all the mares around and why should he not have. He was just so smart and mascular. I wanted to ride it but did not bother asking as it was quite late in the evening and I had to catch a bus back to Jaipur
They insisted on me staying back the night but I had had enough favours already and I had a reason to head back to Jaipur. I was dropped at the nearest bus stop that was a small town called mukundgarh and I caught a bus/truck back to Jaipur to reach at 1130 pm, just in time.

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Day at the Passport office

I started my day on the 9th of July at 7 in the morning. Woke up early and woke my dad too. Got ready and went out for a small walk/coffee on the raod till my dad was trying to get ready. Came back and left early to the passport office with out breakfast since I didn’t wanna be late for my appointment on stand in the line. Was there at 8 30 am only to realize that the office does not open till 10 am so I decided to get a notarized affidavit that was required by the passport office for a damaged passport and it had to be made in MP (before u start telling abt getting that done in blr in advance) anyway, I went to the public notary’s office from there to realise that they also don’t open till 10. So I thgt we will have something to eat but with dady around I couldn’t have possibly eatan just anything so I had to look for a good place to eat which would all start at 10 am (what a surprise). So got him a pack of biscuits as he had not eaten anything the night before and would not eat any where crappy. So not the kind of start I was expecting out of the day.
Rahul:
Next I kept telling myself to have patience and so went back to the passport office with a ray of light and a hope that things will get better from here only to see the contrary at the onset. I asked the guard if I could go upstairs and wait and the same guard who told me that it opens at 10 am acted as if I am a stranger and I should not be there. Only pointing me towards a group of young and middle aged guys standing on a bike chatting and smoking with a couple of tea glasses in there hands. Anyway, not in too much detail, so I asked them abt the passport office and they asked me a set of questions before coming to a conclusion that I am at the wrong address and place for what I was looking for. This was the first time I heard the name DB mall and came to know if there was another passport office that I could have gone to. I only always thought that there existed only one passport office in bhopal. I was a bit confused not mention taken aback at the turn of events but I persisted with this office considering that these guys knew nothing or a little too much. So I climbed up two and the third set of stairs to reach where I thgt I would be for the some hours and when I come out, I will all be with a new passport. Then I saw the state of this building and was appalled with it, I welcomed myself to MP and compared it with bihar and gangs of wasseypur. Things could have been worse I said to my self and kept looking around as that was the only thing I could do at this time and saw some empty benches (dirty) only to my relief. Walked straight to those benches and prepared to make it my fort for a while and just when I was abt to do it saw a Cat rounded in itself sleeping on the next bench. The stench of it made me nauseatic straight away and I kept my bag on the bench where I was to put my butt and walked to my dad to tell him abt the cat. He smiled and said nothing. I kept quite too but only for a minute .So I kept kept quite for a while before I saw some disgusting walls with gutkha spits all over it, so much and many that I (a color blind) person could make out the difference between the wall painting and the gutkha spits on it. It was beyond disgust. There were no lights nothing was working and I kept asking the guard whether I could meet the PRO madam Vaghela and he kept telling me a different time everytime I asked him, so I stopped asking and waited for 10 am when it opened, all those guys who were standing downstairs in group having chai and smoking came up one by one just like those babus in typical indian govet offices and thgt of themselves as the great rulers of their own tiny kingdom and looked at people waiting for them as their praja and with that arrogance walked into the office where there was no electricity even now. It was like an abundant place where population used to reside. They all went in one by one and suddenly a sahab came out and without saying anything went in to another office where the lights worked. Everyone waiting there formed a queue in front of that office and I again thgt they are all stupid and dint bother to queue, I was left last and my dad lost all his patience and stood last in that queue. I thgt this is not right when I have an appointment why queue ? So I asked the guard again who starting pitying me by now. He smiled and said ” abhi madam bahar aayengi us office mein jaane ke liye, tab tum unhe pakad leba aur jo poochna hain pooch lena” I had something to wait for and look forward to now. So with all excitement I waited for that madam to come out and she was like a queen bee, all the people who were particular abt there space in the queue left it all vacant and hovered around her asking some or the other question. She was bigger than the queen bee at that time and she replied at her leisure and chose her questions. My Dad took the oppurtunity to be in front of the queue and I was hovering around the BEE.
Waiting to ask my question, I shouted and could hear a thing but then my plea was heard in the bee – court and I was thankful to someone I don’t know who. I asked her abt my damaged passport and the urgency of me going to US for (treatment) I know I know. …… She replied as if I am asking such an obvious question: what am I doing here ? I should be at the DB mall with an ARN number and an appointment time and date. Made sense to me in my head and I said to her ‘ I have all of it’ she said then go to DB mall and that she can’t do anything here. All was lost , I called my dad out of the queue and told him that we need to go to a place called DB mall. He looked at me and said let’s go then. What are we waiting for ? I knew I had lost the whole day or probably this trip is a failure. I went down those disgusting stairs abusing all the MP walas and the Govt of india and saying stuff abt everyone who I saw in front of dad and he knew I am upset. We asked for an auto to DB mall and kept silent all the way to this mall. This was a whole new mall like orion mall and we went to the PSK at second floor. I was hungry like anything but I was waiting for the interview call at 1215 pm. I was at the entrance and there were a couple of young guy hired by TCS on this gate answering people’s queries and I asked out of turn playing my cancer card once more. This guy was a young fellow and he took all questions with an immediate response. As if he knew what was coming. I was told that the application I have filled is in old format and I need to fill in a new application online and book a new appointment. I had to take another date and come back again. By now I was tired of all this and came out on the balcony to say to my dad that ” I have come here for a purpose and I am not going back without it. I will do what is required but I am not going back to come back again. I went back in and asked the same fellow that I am not going back and I convinced him to take me in at the time assigned to me. This was my first victory but he said I will still need to fill in an online new form with all the details and get an ARN number but should not take an appointment. The same appointment given to me would be valid. I got the point. It was 11 15 am and I had one hour to fill in the form get all the docs ready and take print out. I took out the laptop, powered it on told my dad to hold it and filled int he form write there on the balcony standing using tata photon. The guards smiled at me and became frens, I finished this in fifteen minutes, got the ARN # but they asked me for a printout. I had no time to go out to a printer and these guys dint have a printer. I remembered I am in a mall. I went to the first shop I saw : Samsonite, requested the guy there for an urgent printout and he said okay as long as I have it on hard drive. I didn’t have it on a flash drive, it had to printed from the online portal directly to the printer. I was done and I still had 15 minutes for my interview so i decided to eat. I asked the food court guys: what’s there to eat and they had nothing but idlies ready so I had a couple of them and my dad some juice and ruched at the counter at the scheduled time for my interview. I was allowed inside. For the first time.
So I went in, this office was more like a private offices that I have seen bangalore. Everything written everywhere and nothing had to be asked but there was a lot of rush so I waited my turn for the interview and before they could let me in through the reception, they checked my documents and said that the annexure that I had prepared and got notrised this morning was incorrect and not in the right format. So I needed to get it corrected and that had to provide a proof of address in chhindwara, other than DL. I had nothing but an old bank statement from Hdfc bank from 2010. This had my adress but was not sealed and signed so this lady told me to come back with the corrected docs some other time but I wanted to get these things done today. So I asked her if I could come back today and resubmit them with a smile. She laughed and said yes as long as it is before 4 pm and I knew that smile was sarcastic as she dint believe I will be able to get these docs before 4 pm today but I was determined. I came out with a mission by now my dad had some help. His fren Mr Sapre had come with a car, I told them that I will go to the bank you go to the court and get a notrised affadavit typed. I will finish my work at bank and come to the court to sign the affadavit. Thwy agreed and went to the court while I started searching for an hdfc bank branch. I walked for a kms asking it and there was a branch. I entered it and immediately knew I have to be really nice to these guys if I had to get anything done. I made frens with the receptionist and asked her where she was from and stuff. She was from pachmadi, close to chhindwara and I flirted with her a little before I came to the point. I asked her for a statement, she printed it and I saw the address on it was tw metals, bangalore’s I thought this is it, I can’t do anything abt this now. But her system hung for some reason and before she could complete the printing she had nothing but to flirt back with me. Her system was restarting.
When I was chatting she asked me a lot of questions and I told her why I required the statement and since address is not write, I will have to go back to chhindwara for a proof o address but I still asked her to seal and sign the old statement and she said its not valid anymore but she would still sign and seal it since I was requesting. She did it and even though I dint wanna leave the bank, I had to leave for the court. I was worried abt the proof of address. I said I will still try with the new statement and fight for the reason for the proof of address required if asked. So I went to the court. My dad was looking tired and I told him to take a seat and I took over.
So taking this further, I then took the typewriter from the notary who dint know how to type at all and typed the whole affadavit myself. It took me a lot of time to realise I am in the distt courts of bhopal; the capital of MP. It was so busy that I had to literally drag my bag along everywhere which weighs approx 15 kilos. The affidavit was complete and as I was going to get this stamped and signed. My dad told me it was wrong
I had to re-type the darn thing again, did it all over again, while I told my dad to go and get me a couple more stamp papers. He had gone for a while now when I started to get worried and followed him and realised that he is not moving with the stamp papers in hand. I knew something was wrong still dint wanna confront it at that time. I asked him and he said nothing. I think he was not well, probably very tired or hungry. I told him to sit and have a cup of coffee with his fren while I sorted all these papers out. It took me half an hour more to get a couple more affidavits typed and sealed and signed. it 2pm and the car from chhindwara had also come went in again with the documents finally and they said we will not take u since the staff had changed and they didn’t know I had been sent back for correct docs, I persisted and waited behind……

Posted in Indian, racism, south indians, travel, Uncategorized

South Indians & Racism

There must have been a lot of comparisons and experiences made between south Indians and North Indians up till now and I thought I would add to them. First let me start with the fact that being an Indian, I am ashamed to make this distinction between two parts of the same country but the truth cannot be averted or hidden it’s a fact that these two parts of the country act like two different countries. I have had this chance to live in both these ‘countries’, we go out to other countries and talk about racism; are we not doing the same at home ? If you ever get a chance to live in the southern part of India, you will experience what racism is. We talk about westerners being rude to us when we go to their country probably because of the different color, different language, different accent, different culture and different thoughts but its easy to say that they are racist and blame them, but looking further into ourselves and our Indian culture, I think we are the biggest racists that there can be. In south India, where most of the people eat, look, talk and sleep differently from the rest of the world lies the biggest amount of Racism that one can imagine. I say they are different in all these aspects from the rest of the world because the food they eat can’t be found in any part of this world, the way they look can only be compared to early development of human existence, the way they talk is some kind of sound to everyone’s ears so one can imagine they must sleep in a different way than the rest of the world. Oh I think I got carried away with the south Indians….. coming back to the point that I was trying to make about Racism that happens in south India. If you happen to come to South India and you talk to anyone here, they will ignore you as if you have landed from another world just because you are a touch lighter than they are. They will start blubbering in their own language as if everyone should know what they are talking about and in what language (which I must say here sounds like an engine that is struggling to start). You tell them that you don’t know what they are talking about they would very conveniently ignore you and work on that engine. This is the first impression one would get when they land in South India, so an outsider has to learn their language, even if he learns their language, they would still discriminate you with color which fortunately for them can’t be changed so no one can mix in the South Indian culture, no matter how good you speak. Next thing that anyone would notice is the food that they prepare; everything with rice, the only good thing that they have managed to come up with rice is boiled rice and idly and because every north Indian eats that no south Indian likes to eat it even though they have “invented” it. If they hate outsiders (North Indians) so much why do I see them holding flags of our country and voting them for the general elections. They should have their own country with their own flag, Oh, did I say flag, I am sorry.. they (Karnataka) have one already. So half way there.. whats the use of our Indian flag… I am sure they don’t even know what the National Flag stands for.. they are so into themselves that they forget they belong to a nation called India and there is no Visa required to travel/work/live/study across the nation. Then why this kind of discrimination is carried out with fellow countrymen in the southern part of it… As I said before, I have lived in Northern part as well and believe me if a man does not know hindi and tries to speak in other language, they actually try to learn his language to help him communicate not ignore him. I have tried a lot to understand why do south indian behave like this but given up. I am sure there are many ways the North Indians are bad as well and they ought to be, after all they are human and but they know they are not GOD to discriminate against anyone.

I have a lot more things to say about how south Indians behave but I do not know how to put them all together so it makes some sense. I will try again later with another topic in mind.. the only thing I want to end this with is : PLEASE START MIXING WITH REST OF INDIA BEFORE TRYING TO GO TO USA AND MIX WITH THEM.